Psalm 51...I am forgiven...

i dont even know how to start this off, but God is a loving God. I started my day, withOUT a quiet time, which i was soon convicted of because i do not like my 8-10 teacher and i could tell something was unsettling when i wanted to stab in the eyes with my pencil :(i moped around most of the day, trying to take advantage of the silence but not being able to. i still didnt do my quiet time.a friend approached me this evening. i friend that i had hurt deeply but we had never talked about it. i already knew what it was. it was something in my past that was going to be brought up again and my pain was already starting to come back from the mistake i had made. after i left i cried, so hard, i wanted to cry on the floor, crawl up like a baby and have a pity party, God didnt think that was such a good idea. i was yelling at myself because i'm trying SO HARD to live out this christian life, that when i screw up everyone is slandering my name, people that dont even know me, are talking behind my back. i ran to the nearest bathroom in the building and cried, i brought my bible.i sat on the cold tile under the sink and opened my bible to psalm 51. the psalm that speaks to me and my past so dearestly. God had known my transgressions, he knows my sin, and i only sin against him, my father, my creator. i prayed for forgiveness and i felt God speak to me that my sin was already gone. that i have an audience of one. HIM. the crazy thing is that the 40days paper fell out and i noticed the psalm i was supposed to read today. psalm 51. i chuckled and cried tears of joy, that even on a cold tile floor, i was in the hands of a loving forgiving God. and even after that, the speaker at quest tonight spoke of HOSEA. that he was to marry a whore, and love her, like he loves the israelites. i kept crying tears of joy, i was the whore, i was the sinner, that keeps sinning, but yet God dusts us off from sin, gives up strength to walk with him, to sin no more and to bring GLORY, not to my name, but to his. "Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions."they are blotted out.Praise Him.-Amen

Psalm

just wanted to share what was going on. as i'm giving up worldly things, and personal characteristics of myself that are bad, i'm gaining sustenancethrough this i'm getting to know more about God, his heart mostly.how beautiful and graceful but yet disciplined.every psalm i read i write down the characteristics that i see in the pslam, i look over it and i'm in awe.i'm discovering his love for me and discovering the love and joy i find in him. pure joy, joy that will help me take a right instead of a left. my father in heaven loves me and sees me as a precious child. i've never believed that.i'm continually praying for everyone. seek him first.

Psalm 15

there has been a lot of people this week pouring into my life and there has been a common point that they have all made. one of them happens to be we have choices. we all have so many choices throughout the day, and its our decision to make the right or wrong choice. i was reading psalm 15 this morning and it just hit me even harder, the people who were speaking into my life were commentary on this psalm and i hadnt known it. crazy how God works :)it speaks of people who 'walk blamelessly and does what is right, who speaks truth in his heart and does not slander, does no evil to his neighbor and takes up reporach against his friend'lately ive been doing all of that and looked back on the choice i had made and saw where i should of turned right instead of left. i was so far from God that i was one whos eyes were vile, im the one who despised. im the one with the anger and malice and bitterness. i wasnt any of the characteristics he was speaking of. i prayed this morning, earnestly to seek the attributes that were described here, i prayed for discernment in situations, when to speak and not to speak, where i should not slander, and where i should not do evil to my neighbor. God has given me peace through this scripture and peace is one of the most beautiful gifts from God. i want to dwell on his holy hill.

Psalm 63

i dont know how wrong you can interpret scricpture. but for psalm 63, when i read my felsh faints for you, i felt that my felsh would faint, it would collapse in humility and my selfish desires would be given up in order for me to search my God.

my lips will praise you, so beautiful. beholding his power and glory, i was sitting on the road and i was in awe of his power and glory and sovereignty!
i grew up catholic so i have just become comfortable with lifting my hands in worship and i read in his nae i will lift up my hands, i want to lift up my hands in surrender, every day of my life.

"my soul clings to you" i look at it as an attachment to him, i am his child, and as a child clings to their parent, i will cling to him, my father. i read the rest of it and thought to myself people may bring me down, but thats because i'm fighting a good fight, and i need to remind myself that daily.
i am in the shadow of his wings, he has been my help, through all the times. i need to remember that too.in the midst of all this chaos, he's there, our God of salvation, his gives up and power and strength.so beautiful. I'm really starting to appreciate God's word more and more and seeing the beauty in it more and more every day.