Lonliness and Circumstance

I sit here in an office, for four days, checking off lists, requesting more lists, answering a phone call or two, but mostly, staring at walls, hoping and praying someone could just come in.Why?I know it might sound lame, but it shows my desperation, a desperation that is caused by lonliness and circumstance. I sit here, rubbing my eyes, hoping and praying that I'll find an answer.I already have an answer.It's called the truth. The truth is, is that I'm loved and I'm saved. I know there is God who is sovereign over me. I know Jesus died for me, to meet me here, in this room. The problem is, is that I'm not listening to the answer, instead, I'm listening to the world around me. Listening to society say, why are you still single?, why are you working in a church?? why why why???the answer is jesus.This isn't just because I'm in an office, this is because God purposefully slowed me down to show me my idol, business. God put me in an office for 4 days, by myself and I know this. I know he wants to meet with me, here, with no other distractions, but yet, I go and search for the distraction instead of sitting and being still. I'm listening to the world instead of sitting and being still. I'm wandering....instead of sitting and being still. I know I need to dive into the pool of his word, but I don't want to get wet... I'm scared He's going to show me more than I want or can bear, but He wants to repair us, but that requires surgery, surgery hurts, but He'll do it with a scapel, not a hammer...So that's my prayer today, even though I feel it's too late, It's not, I think that God gets excited when his children come to his feet and say, tell me a story! I think his eyes light up :) I beat myself up for not taking advantage of my alone time, that God has so graciously given, but I will now, God can speak however and whenever he wants.So thats what I'll do, I'll get wet...I'll get broken, all for the sake of His glory, which is enough for me.